


Dusk till Dawn (Darkness to Light)

by purple_ramblings



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AIDS crisis of the 90s (mentioned), F/M, Feminism, HIV/AIDS, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Lycantrophy, M/M, Misogyny, Multi, OFC - Freeform, Polyamory, Sexism, Tags to be updated as story progresses, Transphobia, Triad - Freeform, Werewolves, attempt at holding people accountable for their actions, biased Order members, criticism of Dumbledore, criticism of Molly, criticism of Order of the Phoenix, criticism of Snape, glimpses of happiness throughout, in my head it's an epic tale that spans from PoA to post-war, loosely follows canon but also changes things, might break it up into parts, prejudice against Slytherins discourse, prejudice against werewolves, someone is (actual) friends with Snape, starts with Prisoner of Azkaban and goes until ???
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:55:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27331561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purple_ramblings/pseuds/purple_ramblings
Summary: Laura Blanchett wakes in the middle of one night in July 1993 and knows that something is different. A few days later she finds confirmation on the front page of the Daily Prophet. Sirius Black has broken out of Azkaban. As the world around them jumps into the desperate chase of Notorious Mass Murderer Sirius Black (tm), she prepares to do what she has been waiting to do for almost twelve years. Prove his innocence.A triad Sirius/Remus/OFC story that started from the question "What if someone had believed in Sirius' innocence?" and explores many more concepts and questions I've always had or wanted to try.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 22
Kudos: 26





	1. Here

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome to my next story in the Harry Potter fandom!  
> Before the story and the first chapter I'd like to mention a few things. This story stems from and revolves around a few concepts and questions I found/find interesting and wanted to explore.  
> One of those concepts is one that when I read of it, I was floored (not in a good way) and shocked by but in light of how the author has presented herself over the last few years has become less and less surprising. According to the author, Remus being a werewolf/lycantrophy is supposed to be a metaphor for HIV/AIDS. The implications of this concept are vast, and none are in any way pleasant and least of all acceptable. There has been much fandom discourse on this (and other difficult aspects of canon and the author) that puts it into much better words than I ever could so I won't put that here. This idea really stuck with me though and I wanted to explore how/if that could even work, a connection between HIV/AIDS and lycantrophy.  
> Other concepts/questions this story labors under are possibly much more pleasant but no less difficult. The question "What if someone had believed in Sirius' innocence?" is just one of them. Others include "What if someone had been a friend to Snape?", "What if Remus and Sirius were in a polyamorous/triad relationship but Remus still thinks Sirius is guilty while the third party doesn't?", and many, many, many more. A couple of them fall under the umbrella of "fix it" and as I feel very strongly for example about Harry needing many, many more hugs (and a good number of other people too), I've tried to put that in here.  
> A last note I want to give - this story may very well be biting off more than I can chew. Theoretically it spans from Prisoner of Azkaban all the way to post-war which is a ridiculous time span to insert an OFC into who changes a good deal of things. It's very possible that I will break this tale up into parts, possibly loosely following the books, to make it more doable and also not have to leave it unfinished/give ending points to some things. We will see.
> 
> If you want to hop on for the ride, I'd be so happy to take you along :) I hope you enjoy it and if you do, please subscribe and leave a comment!
> 
> P.S. if there is anything you think should go into the tags as well, please let me know so I can add it :)

III---III---III

She awoke with a gasp. It felt like someone had doused her with a bucketful of ice water but when she felt her face, it was dry.

The room was dark around her, she could barely make out the shape of her dresser drawer and the end of the bed. It wasn’t a big room by any means so there wasn’t much more to see anyway. It had to be in the middle of the night to be this dark, the dark hours few in the middle of the summer.

Disoriented and shaken, her eyes darted around aimlessly for a few moments while she felt her heart race in her chest. Something had shocked her out of sleep, there was no other way to describe it, and her mind was reeling to find out what it was.

As her eyes got used to the darkness, she could tell it was nothing in her room that had woken her. At least not something, or someone, that was visible to the naked eye. She was on high alert as she reached for her wand to cast the necessary charms to check for anyone’s hidden presence. They revealed nothing but she hadn’t expected anything else if she was really honest. The only person who could have passed through her wards wouldn’t have disillusioned himself and scared her like this. The presence of anyone else would have triggered an alert from the wards. There was no alert.

So she was alone, in her tiny bedroom, woken by something she could not identify right away. Taking a few calming breaths she closed her eyes and focused on a spot, a place, somewhere deep inside her that she could never fully name or pin down. Sometimes it felt like it was right where her heart was, then again it was like it was tucked deeply into her middle. Other times, though she had not felt this in a long time, it was located even further south. It took her several long moments to reach that place, it required a lot of focus and even more calmness to find it. When she did, she knew that nothing she could feel from there had woken her either. Or had it?

III---III---III

Three days later she knew that it had. The proof came on the front page of the Daily Prophet.

**ESCAPE FROM AZKABAN!**

_Mass-murderer Sirius Black first to break out of the impenetrable fortress_

The large headline and the sub-heading splashed cross the front of the newspaper with the matching magical photograph of Sirius Black holding his prisoner number were enough, she didn’t need to read the whole article. Skimming across it anyway, she knew despite the very vague timeline of events provided by the Ministry that he hadn’t just escaped that day. No. Sirius Black had been free for three days.

That knowledge filled her with hope and despair in equal measure. He was free, as he deserved to be, but he had been declared a mass-murderer and fugitive and the entire Ministry was looking for him. The news had even been released to the Muggles, as she saw his face broadcast to the nation during evening news. He was a wanted man, and not in the good sense. Not in her sense.

The question she had was why now. It had been almost twelve years and nothing much had changed, not that she could tell anyway. But something had to have changed if he had escaped now. Eleven years and eight months later was a very strange timeframe. There had to be a reason, but she didn’t know it.

Without knowing why he had escaped there was nothing she could do for him. She wanted to, but she didn’t know how. There was no one she could go to either, the people she had trusted had cast her aside for championing his innocence. She knew he was innocent, and they should have known as well. But they believed the cover-up story, too willingly if she was asked, and they would believe it now too. Likely they were part of those looking for him, hunting him.

For eleven years, seven months and two weeks she had hidden herself away too. When it had become clear that no one believed in him like she did, when she had been shut out and crucified for her opinion and her championing, she had withdrawn. Alienated by all those she had fought with side by side, she had gone somewhere else, somewhere new, somewhere where no one knew her name or her face. The Muggle world had many things to offer, especially to someone who had wished to disappear from the wizarding world. The rift between the two worlds was still as big as ever and in all that time, no one had come looking for her.

There was one tie to the wizarding world that she had maintained through all that time. By now she was mature enough to admit that the only reason she had kept it was because she found herself unable to completely distance herself from the magical world. But even that, deep down, was only a cover-up for the truth. Although she hadn’t spoken to either of them in nearly a dozen years, she was desperately holding on to the one point of possible connection that was left. They didn’t know where she lived, they didn’t know what she was doing, where she was going, what was going on in her life. But they knew her shop, her apothecary. The business she had inherited from her great-uncle just before graduating from Hogwarts which she could never give up either. Even if she wasn’t there in person, they could ask for her there and she would hear about it. But no one had asked for her in almost a dozen years.

She didn’t know how to navigate this situation, how to reach out to Sirius without drawing unnecessary and most of all potentially detrimental attention to herself. Did he know? That she still believed in him? That he could come to her and she would help him? She hoped so but twelve years were a long time, especially when you had spent them in a place like Azkaban. She had spent years having nightmares about him there.

III---III---III

“Oh! Laura! How good to see you!” 

The door hadn’t fully closed after she had stepped foot into the shop before the other woman, about twenty years her senior, had already rounded the counter and reached out her arms to draw her, Laura, into a tight, welcoming hug. Laura couldn’t help but stiffen her spine at the embrace, it felt simultaneously too close and not close enough.

“Oh, what a wonderful surprise, dear,” the woman continued to gush, touching a hand to Laura’s cheek lovingly. “Look at you, such a tiny thing,” she tutted and Laura rolled her eyes.

“You always say that, Anwen,” she replied simply.

Anwen gave her a stern look. “Haven’t said it in well over ten years, have I.”

Laura withstood the look and straightened her shoulders. “How are things going?” She looked around slowly, breathed the still familiar scent of all the ingredients and products mixing in the air. Not much had changed, but she had known that even if she hadn’t seen it in person.

“Gina, get out here and take over the till for a bit,” Anwen called out into the back of the store and a few moments later, a young woman came out to the front of the apothecary.

Laura had never met this young woman in person either but she knew who she was.

“Gina, this is Laura Blanchett,” Anwen introduced them and Laura watched Gina’s eyes go wide.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Miss Blanchett!” she said quickly, shaking Laura’s hand reverently.

Laura gave her a smile, or at least she tried to. “Call me Laura, please,” she instructed the younger woman, “it’s very nice to finally meet you too.”

Gina was about fifteen years younger than her and in her second year of working at the apothecary, Laura knew that much. Anwen had hired her right out of Hogwarts due to her excellent NEWT scores and genuine interest in the field of potions and ingredients which she had displayed during a summer internship the year before her certification. Laura could immediately see why Anwen had chosen her, Gina made an open and eager first impression.

“Do you have time for a cuppa, Laura?” Anwen asked. The apothecary was empty for the moment but Laura knew that business was doing well.

“Uhm, perhaps,” Laura allowed and followed Anwen into the back, leaving Gina to deal with the customers that came in soon after going by the sound of the door bell.

Tea with Anwen was curious and a little stilted. So many questions hung in the air and none were broached. Instead Anwen told Laura about the shops, the one here in Diagon and the one in Hogsmeade, she talked about her grandchildren and a few more things that Laura heard but didn’t retain.

“Would you mind if I had a look around? I haven’t been here in so long,” Laura said when they got up after finishing their tea. The bell had rung several more times and Anwen needed to go out and assist Gina with the flood of customers. Many people used their lunch breaks to visit the shops in Diagon Alley, including the apothecary.

“It’s your apothecary,” Anwen replied simply, summoning a basket. “Just make sure to update the stock records.” She gave Laura a very motherly once-over. “You take care of yourself, Laura,” she said quietly and Laura nodded mechanically. “And if it takes another decade until you set food in here again, well, you don’t want to find out.”

Laura smiled sheepishly. “I promise it won’t be another ten years, Anwen.”

“Good, good.” Anwen gave her a last look and then went out into the store front.

Laura breathed deeply then straightened, holding the basket firmly to herself. She knew exactly what she needed and she knew exactly where to find what she needed, as she found out a few minutes later. Everything was still stored the same way.

The basket was quite full when Laura emptied it into her bag, she had found everything and more that she needed. But there was one more thing she had to do before leaving. Extracting a small item from her bag, no larger than her palm, she went to the back door and fixed it to the bottom of the door just above ankle height to the side where the hinges were, where you didn’t generally look when you were opening or closing the door. She did the same to the shop’s front door with a quick flick of her wand as she left.

III---III---III

How was it that the waiting game felt so much harder in the days that passed after her visit to the apothecary than it had felt the last eleven-and-a-bit years? Or maybe it was just her mind playing tricks on her, having forgotten, having  _suppressed_ the hardships of the past eleven years.

All while, she was very busy. With the stock of ingredients she kept on hand at all times, plus the ones she had gotten from the apothecary, she was brewing up a storm. Maybe not a storm but definitely a sizable collection of potions, tinctures, salves and creams for a variety of purposes. It gave her something to do but it wasn’t always enough to keep her mind fully occupied.

And then, several days, too many days, after she had been to the apothecary, when she was coming back from doing her weekly shopping, she almost dropped and spilled all her groceries on the lawn in front of her backyard bungalow. From the side of the bungalow, from the shadows, out of sight from the front house and the street, came a dog. A big, black dog that slowly approached her and dropped a small laurel wreath at her feet. One which she had left at the apothecary.

Laura had to remind herself to breathe as she stared at him. For several moments they just stood there, facing each other, looking at each other. Then it registered to her that while her house could not be easily seen from the street and she had a variety of wards up shielding her from her nosy neighbors all around, they had best go inside. She nearly dropped her keys twice before she got them into the lock and she left the door open behind herself as she stepped through. Quickly she deposited her shopping onto the limited and very cluttered counter space in her kitchenette. She heard the door fall shut with a soft click of the lock and turned around.

The dog was but a pace away from her now and she stared at it. She had waited to see it, him, for so long that her brain could not process the information her eyes were telling it, that he was right in front of her. Shakily she reached for one of the chairs surrounding her equally cluttered table and sat down.

The dog let out a small whine and came right up to her, laying his shaggy head into her lap. She was done for then, bowing over the dog’s head, her shoulders starting to shake with sobs.

“I know you didn’t do it,” she whispered to him, running her hands over his dirty and matted fur, not caring how filthy and smelly he was. She cared how she could feel almost every individual bone but that thought was for a little later. “I know you would never betray them. I know you’re innocent, Sirius,” she repeated, over and over and over again. Her heart was light and heavy at the same time. Light because he was there, he was finally there, and heavy because he was not truly free like he deserved to be. He was there and that had to be enough for now.

Finally her tears subsided and her mind cleared. He was here and she had been preparing for that for days, years. She straightened up.

“You need water and food and a bath,” she said to him, scratching behind his ears. He leaned into her touch. “Do you want to stay like this or change?” She pulled her wand from her sleeve and held it out towards him. The transformation was instinctive but she knew it was easier with a wand. She had no qualms lending hers to him for that purpose.

The dog stepped back, carefully taking the wand from her between his jaws. It took several moments until the big, black, filthy dog changed into a tall, filthy man with black hair. Laura couldn’t help but gasp.

What she had been able to feel under the dog’s shaggy fur, was blatantly visible when he was a man. Somehow he seemed almost less than skin and bones, his colorless skin was covered with dirt and grime, bruises and scratches, his hair fell down his back in a matted, tangled mess, as did his beard down his front, and the clothes he was wearing did not deserve the name any longer. Scraps of fabric, vaguely striped but so faded and dirty it was nearly impossible to tell, hung from his boney frame.

She reached out a hand towards him where he was sitting on the floor in front of her, meaning to touch his face or his shoulder, but he jerked back. She stopped short and swallowed. The look in his eyes cut right through her core. They were still as gray as ever but haunted, almost mad. They took her in but also flitted around the room restlessly, surveying her small home quickly, lingering on the door and lesser so the windows.

“We’re safe in here,” she told him. “These wards only admit two persons.”

He looked back at her.

“Let’s get you some water,” she said because she needed something to do and whilst she had prepared for so many other aspects of his return, she hadn’t prepared for this. How did one prepare to welcome back a man who had been in the worst place on earth for almost twelve years?

Laura filled a plastic cup with water and carefully approached him. Kneeling down, making herself smaller, hearing his teasing voice of past in her ear that she was small enough standing up, she offered the cup to him. He reached for it but his hand was too shaky to really hold it, half the water splashing over the sides before he had even lifted it to his mouth. Trying to be as unthreatening as possible, she scooted closer on her knees and steadied the cup so he could drink. When he had drained it, she refilled it and helped him hold it to his lips until he had drained it again.

“I have some soup and potions you can also have,” she told him softly when he shook his head at the empty cup.

He looked at her and she understood even without words.

“The potions then.” She got up off the floor and went to her fridge. As she opened it, several bottles and vials clinked together and she picked a few of them before she closed it again. When she turned, she saw that he had been watching her with curiosity but also apprehension showing on his face. “I left the wreaths a week ago,” she explained while she uncorked several of the vials. “Been brewing ever since.”

She helped him drink each of the potions, providing another cup of water to wash them down. She could practically watch her concoctions taking effect on him, his skin became a little less translucent and his eyes became a little more vivid.

“There is also a batch of Calming Draught if you want it but I didn’t want to presume.”

He shook his head with a short, jerky motion, just like she had expected.

“Bath next then?” She gestured to one of the two doors on the long side of the living space opposite the front door. It opened and allowed a glimpse of a white tiled bathroom and a corner of the large bathtub as well as the toilet. “I charmed the bathtub, it will fit you.”

She offered him her hand to help him stand but he straightened himself up on his own, swaying slightly on his feet. He had to have been in his dog form for a long time, she suspected but said nothing.

He followed but remained standing outside the door to the bathroom when she went in and set the tub to fill with warm water magically. She added plenty of soap as well as some more vials from a cupboard above the sink. For each thing she added, she told him what it was and why she was adding it.

His eyes were still flitting around this place and that when she turned back to him.

“I’m not sure we can save any of that,” she said cautiously, gesturing to his beard and hair.

He glanced down, tugged on his beard with a distinct amount of frustration and then made a callous, throwing-away gesture with his hand.

“Would you like me to do it for you?” She opened the cupboard again and showed him a pair of scissors and a razor. “It can also be done magically of course.”

He stared at both her hands for a few moments then jerkily pointed to the scissors.

“Okay. Can you sit here?” She pulled a stool from under the sink and charmed it higher so he could sit comfortably. He eyed it warily then sat.

“I’ll try to touch you as little as I can,” she promised earnestly, finding a broad toothed comb in the cupboard although she was sure it wouldn’t be used until most of the matted, filthy mess was cut off and several shampoos and potions had been administered.

She couldn’t help but gasp when he reached for her hand suddenly and brought it to his cracked lips, kissing her knuckles, her fingertips and then her palm. Tears welled up in her eyes and a lump took over her throat at his action, his gesture, especially when he looked at her then and next to the haunted, detached look there was a glimpse of softness in his eyes.

She pressed her lips together and nodded, mostly to herself. He was still in there, somewhere.

“I’ll do the beard first. I also have several potions and shampoos to help with lice and fleas and to disentangle your hair.” She stepped closer and dared to touch his cheek, briefly, before she gathered his beard in one hand as best as she could and attempted to cut through it with the scissors in the other. It wasn’t easy but several minutes later she held most of the mass of matted hair in her hands and he was palming what was left of his beard in a way that told her he was glad to be rid of it. She vanished the cut off hair and went to his side.

“This length? I’m sure we can disentangle it from there if we cut off the rest,” she said, indicating the top of his shoulders for his hair. Just about the length he had had before…

He nodded and so she set to work. It was a sloppy haircut at best, she had never done it before, but with each snip and every strand that fell she could see the effect on him. By the time she was finished, there was a halo of disgustingly filthy black hair around him on the floor which she also vanished.

“I knew you were there under all that.” She touched his cheek again, lightly, and nodded towards the bath. “I’ll get you some towels and clothes and you can decide if you would like to bathe on your own or if I should help. Either is fine.” He looked at her again and the short twinkle in his eyes when she offered her help for his bath gave her a surge of hope. “Be right back.”

She hurried into her bedroom and took a moment to close her eyes tightly and breathe. She was barely holding it together and for a few minutes she allowed herself to release her hold, to let it flow. It was too much to hold in for long, she had learned that many years ago, but she needed to have a certain level of composure so she could help him. With the first wave through, she exhaled slowly and waved her wand, drying her cheeks, soothing her eyes and tidying her hair. Then she found him her fluffiest towels and also the box of clothes she had kept and preserved for almost twelve years. They were likely to be much too big on him right now but she was sure he would appreciate the familiarity.

When she came back into the bathroom, after knocking on the door lightly and entering at his grunt, he was naked with his back turned towards her. She clenched her teeth together firmly, painfully, to keep from emitting any sound at the sight. Each and every individual rib was visible and she could count every vertebra of his spine. The jut of his hip bones was… She reached for the door frame for something to hold on to.

He turned and she knew he could see her reaction on her face anyway because he refused to meet her eyes. She swallowed and set the towels and the clothes onto the stool.

“It should be warm but not hot. We can make it hotter or colder whenever you like,” she said shakily and took a step closer.

He eyed the water for a moment, then reached out and stuck his fingers into it, then his entire hand. The temperature seemed to be just right because he straightened up again and carefully put his first foot into the bath. She stood by, ready to assist or catch him at any moment, but he climbed into the bath and sat down all on his own.

He leaned back, resting his head onto the charmed bath pillow she had fixed to that end of the tub, and closed his eyes. His lips moved and though no sound came out, she could still tell the word he had formed.

Warm.

Again she clenched her teeth and swallowed. Azkaban was a terrible, terrible place, with the Dementors and the icy sea around it, and he had been there for nearly twelve years. Chilled to the bone probably didn’t even begin to cover even a fraction of it.

The warmth had a bigger effect on him than everything else she had done so far, he seemed like he was starting to relax. His face and body were still too gaunt, too emaciated, but some of the tension, some of the mania, seemed to seep away into the bath water.

Then he reached out a hand for her, and she came, immediately. She sat on the floor by the tub and took his hand, kissing his knuckles, his fingertips, his palm, and then just held his hand in hers.

“I’m here,” she whispered.

III---III---III


	2. Not here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are with chapter two!  
> In honor of juhouzee's absolutely uplifting and encouraging comment, thank you so much again!  
> I hope you enjoy the chapter :)

III---III---III

“Where is Remus?”

Sirius’ bath was finished and Laura had just turned to grab the towels for him, to charm them warm and extra fluffy for him, when he had spoken. The first words he had said, in however long, the first words he had said to her after eleven-and-a-bit years. His voice was scratchy and rough but still unmistakable to her. She would have heard him from thousands of others.

She wasn’t surprised at his question, or that it was his first question. She had known the question would come, that it was maybe the most important question of all. But she didn’t know how to answer it. She had been thinking about how to answer it, how to explain, how to make him understand while softening the blow that could not be softened, but still, even eleven-and-a-bit years later she didn’t know how to.

She turned back to him, her fingers gripping the warm and extra fluffy fabric, white knuckles hidden by the fold of the towel. He was still covered by the magical bubbles she had added for him and though his nakedness did not bother her, which could not be said for the general state he was in, she was thankful for it. She didn’t know how to say it, how to tell him, even like this but seeing all of him… it wouldn’t have helped.

“Sirius…“ She swallowed against the forming lump in her throat and simultaneously fought down the wave of rage that still sometimes welled up in her even after she had been working on it for eleven years.

“I smelled him at the shop but I don’t smell him here.”

Any words that had been forming in her mind and on her tongue evaporated with the ones he had just said. She stared at him blankly, barely blinking, much less breathing, as her brain refused to connect with the meaning of what he had just told her.

“What?”

Sirius sat up and his eyes bore into hers, sharp and focused now. “Why isn’t he here? Why are you here alone?”

Laura continued to stare at him with widened eyes. “You smelled him at the shop?”

His nod was more than just a little impatient. “He was there recently, earlier today or yesterday or maybe the day before depending on how long he was there,” he confirmed but then his voice hardened again and his fingers curled around her wrist, squeezing. “Why isn’t he here with you, Laura?” he inquired insistently, leaning forward and never breaking eye contact.

She couldn’t answer, her mind simultaneously a vast blank and reeling at top speed. Abruptly she stood, shaking off his grip, and turned on her heels. “I need to check something.” She was out the door before he could react.

Remus had been at the apothecary. Recently. Earlier today, or yesterday, or the day before. Remus had been there. At her shop.

Her mind still operating on both ends of the activity scale, she crossed her main room and opened her front door. And just as she did, she saw an owl approaching. She extended her arm and it landed on it, extending its leg which had a scroll attached to it. Laura carried the bird inside and gave it a treat after which it flew out of the still open front door, evidently not expecting a prompt reply. With trembling fingers, she hastily unrolled it.

_L,_

_Someone asked for you earlier today, around 9 am._

_I would have written you earlier but I only just heard about it. (I’ll be having words with her about this.)_

_She gave a vague description of the young man, it sounds like R. He didn’t leave a message._

_\- A_

Earlier today. Remus had been at the apothecary earlier today.

Suddenly feeling a little faint, Laura sank into a chair again, holding the note to her chest and reminding herself to breathe.

Remus had been at the apothecary earlier today. As has been Sirius at some point. Her mind conjured up the worst case scenario where Remus would have seen Sirius and potentially apprehended him to hand him over to the Ministry, but then she stopped herself and reminded herself that they didn’t. Remus had been there, and then after that had been Sirius, and now Sirius was safe and sound in her bathtub, and everything was about as fine as it could be. Which was not very fine in the grand scheme of things but as fine as this situation could be at least.

She read the note again and exhaled slowly. She had left her store managers with little instructions except that they were to manage the apothecaries in Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade according to her great uncle’s and her own beliefs as well as to immediately inform her if anyone asked after her. It had been years upon years since the latter had happened though.

No doubt the reason for Remus coming to the apothecary in Diagon Alley was the same reason why she had gone – Sirius’ breakout. No doubt Remus knew that if Sirius was anywhere near London, he was with her. No doubt Remus knew that Laura would be ready to aid and shelter Sirius in any way possible. No doubt he had come to convince her once more of that which he had not been able to convince her almost twelve years ago. He would not succeed today either.

Taking another grounding breath, Laura stood up and went back into the bathroom where Sirius was still sitting in the bath, staring at a spot on the opposite wall. Somehow she could tell that all the words she had laid out, all the explanations she had formed in her head, were unnecessary now. She could feel it.

“I’ve thought about how to tell you this for over eleven years,” she said anyway. “I still don’t know how.”

The silence was painful and chilling as the confirmation she had basically given him settled into the atmosphere.

“How long?”

She busied herself picking up the towels again and unfolding the big one. “I left two weeks after they took you.”

The water rippled audibly as he turned to her. She met his gaze evenly.

“I won’t say I didn’t have a doubt here and there because anyone human would. But in the end I trusted what I knew in my heart. I do not know what happened at their house and then with Peter, but I could never have truly believed that you would ever consort with his likes and give up your friends for dead then kill one yourself along with a dozen innocent others. You would rather have died yourself than even risked anyone losing a hair on their head on your watch. I felt you, and I know you couldn’t have done what they said. But everyone else chose to believe whatever charade that had been set up to blame you.” She wasn’t able to say all of it without some of the bitterness seeping in that had inevitably come with living with this situation. But after ten years of working with it, it no longer filled every cell and fiber of her body.

“Get the paper from my shirt,” he instructed her. She frowned at him but did go through the pile of scraps that were the rest of his prison uniform. He had kept her from vanishing it and it made sense when she did find a folded piece of parchment tucked into it. “Look at it.”

Laura unfolded the parchment and found a picture of the Weasley family. She clenched her jaw. Everyone in the Order had been so ready to give up on Sirius and so ready to declare her batshit crazy, including the Weasleys.

“It’s the Weasleys,” she stated the obvious.

“ _Look at it_ ,” he repeated gruffly so she looked at each member of the red-haired clan stood somewhere in Egypt in front of pyramids, evidently a holiday picture. It may have been in a newspaper, probably the Daily Prophet, going from the caption underneath it and the font.

“I don’t-“ After taking in each person superficially, she had started to have a closer look at each of them and there in one of the boys’ hands was- Her eyes went wide and she could feel the color drain from her face as she looked up. “The rat, it looks like-“

“Peter,” Sirius spat out with so much disgust and hatred that Laura started to understand. That much disgust and hatred could be a powerful motivator to do inexplicable things, like breaking out of a wizarding prison guarded by Dementors and making it onto the British Isles.

“But he- they said he died. They found his finger, just his finger.” Her mind was reeling and it did not take her long to make things fall together. She looked from Sirius back down onto the picture and felt a wave of disgust and hatred well up in herself as well. “It was him,” she whispered and almost expected the parchment to go up in flames from her burning stare.

“He was the secret keeper, Laur,” Sirius admitted and the guilt and regret he felt was written all over his sunken in face. “I thought it would be less obvious and they would be safer. No one knew, not even Dumbledore.”

She stared at him. “Not even I,” she added barely audibly. “You thought it was-“

“Remus,” he said shamefully and closed his eyes. She continued to stare at him for long moments, trying to wrap her head around the missing links in the events of those days. After not having the answers for so long, the truth suddenly felt so… obvious. Of course, if it hadn’t been Sirius then it had to have been someone else and who else would it have been? Not Remus, she knew that much, but that left barely anyone else and Peter- He had always been on the sidelines, part of the group but so obviously the weakest link. She couldn’t believe she hadn’t thought of that and now she was left feeling stupid and foolish for believing that friendship meant anything to anyone anymore. Hadn’t they all proven to her that it didn’t?

“I’ll leave you to it,” she said quickly and left the room again.

III---III---III

Dinner was a quiet affair. Laura fed Sirius another round of potions as well as a light soup he practically inhaled and begged for more. She kept to a sandwich and was barely able to get down even that.

With his hair and beard cut and in some of his old clothes he looked more human again but the past decade-and-a-bit had left their deep traces on him. He looked much older than he was, tired and drained. It was hard to see him like that and she had to remind herself that any progress he made to become better, healthy again, would have to be in many, many small steps. He wasn’t going to be back to himself by the next morning just because she had given him a few potions and a bath.

After dinner Sirius had an inspection of her home. There was no other way to put it. He went around each and every corner, opened pretty much every door and drawer, until he had been in all three rooms. The house wasn’t very big, a bungalow, a main room combining the kitchenette and a sitting area, the bathroom and her bedroom.

He brought a smile to her lips though because when he was in her bedroom, he snooped around there too but then he pointed at her wardrobe with an expectant look on his face. She raised an eyebrow. He nodded towards it.

“What’s there?” he asked. He had found the magically hidden gateway to where she spent most of her time at home.

She stepped up next to him and waved her wand. The racks of clothes slid to the side and made place for another entryway, revealing the top of a staircase. He made a noise of approval and started to descend on the stairs, lamps flaring up to enlighten his way.

Laura followed him and stood next to him as he took in her sanctuary. For all the mess that was upstairs, her cluttered counter and table, the pile of unwashed laundry, her laboratory was immaculate.

“Now, this makes more sense,” he stated, looking around with a glimmer of satisfaction.

There were several cauldrons on a counter island that were boiling at different temperatures with timers set to them as well as an entire wall of ingredients on the right side. The left side was lined with more working space but the items on it were not familiar to Sirius. Led by his curiosity he walked over to them and touched an alien looking machine with several tubes and gauges attached to it. The rest of them did not look any more familiar or any less interesting.

“That’s an autoclave,” Laura explained, content to let him explore and trusting him not to break anything in the two seconds it would take her to stop him although by his track record maybe she should not have.

“What does it do?” He found the lever for the lid and opened it.

“Watch out, there are sharp and pointy objects in it,” she warned, coming to his side. “It sterilizes equipment.”

He hummed in response and closed the lid. His focus then switched from the unknown to the known and he walked over to the working cauldrons.

“Invigoration Draught, Calming Draught, Draught of Peace, Dreamless Sleep, Sleeping Draught, Vitamix Potion,” Laura named the six cauldrons that were set up.

“Think I need a lot of calmness and sleep, huh.” Sirius eyed her for a moment.

“Don’t you?” she challenged him and he gave a small shrug of his shoulders in response. “I will never be able to truly imagine what it is like there but I-“

“What’s this?”

While she had been trying to explain herself to him, he had turned and found several bottles lined up on another table. They were labeled with a simple R and before Laura could stop him, he had unstopped one to take a whiff.

“Merlin’s saggy bollocks, that shit is vile,” he cursed and watched a faint blue smoke waft out of the top before he put the stopper back into it.

“Don’t touch that,” Laura told him firmly and took it out of his hand, carefully setting the bottles into a fitting wooden box and putting the lid on it.

Sirius said nothing, only had a last glance around before he went back upstairs.

III---III---III

With a frown on her face Laura watched Sirius tear the bedding off her bed and march out of her bedroom with it. Crossing her arms over her chest she followed him and watched him open the front door and march out of that as well. It was only when she had followed him to the lawn in front of her bungalow and watched him spread out the sheet and place her pillow and blanket on top of it that she understood.

“How far do the wards go?”

She pointed to a rose bush she had planted at the end of a small bed of flowers she maintained entirely by magic. She had a lot of patience and dedication when it came to her potions and work but for the life of her she could not summon any of that for gardening. That had always been-

“Well?” Sirius looked at her expectantly and gestured to the campsite he had spread. He gave a flourish with his hand and she understood. Waving her wand, she bolstered up the sheet and also added an imperviousness cover to it. Despite the shining sun, the weather could not be trusted. “Won’t the Muggles see?” He looked around suspiciously.

“They don’t see nothing,” she told him with a shrug. “I’m getting another pillow and blanket.”

“What, not sharing with me?” he teased, following her.

“You’re a terrible blanket hog and you know it,” she shot back, retrieving another set from the box under the bed.

He gave her an offended look like he would never even dream of doing such a thing, but she knew him too well. He gave her a similarly unimpressed look when she insisted they brush their teeth before bed but followed her instruction eventually.

“What are we going to do?” she asked when they were lying on the fresh grass comfortably cushioned by her charms and looking up into the summer evening sky.

“He’ll be at Hogwarts.”

“Of course he will be.” Laura frowned at him from the side. “He’s starting his third year, where else would he be come 1st September?”

“The rat.”

She pursed her lips and nodded. “I suppose he will be there too.” She didn’t add that she knew that Ron Weasley and Harry were friends and that that meant Ron’s pet rat would probably be quite near-

“He will be and I’m going to get him,” Sirius ground out and she swallowed.

“You can’t just waltz into Hogwarts and rip apart a student’s rat, Sirius.”

“I will find a way.”

She swallowed again. She could already tell that there was no arguing with him about it. He was going to hunt down Peter and they could only hope that he wouldn’t be caught trying to because-

“But wouldn’t it be better if we tried to catch Peter and force his transformation back to prove your innocence? I’m sure Anwen could help u-“

“I’m not interested in catching him. I will kill him. They already put me away for it once, they can’t do it twice for the same crime.”

Laura sat up and stared down at him. His eyes were filled to the brim, overflowing with the deepest hatred and disgust but also with unshakable determination. The fear that she had been pushing away all day, ever since he had shown up, came back to her – what if he got caught again and they put him back in Azkaban, or worse?

“You can’t go to Hogwarts, Sirius, they’ll get you,” she said desperately but he shook off her hand on his arm. “Even if you go in your Animagus form, you-“

“I will go and you cannot keep me!” he bellowed at her, jumping to his feet. “I’m going to get him and I’ll tear the rat to pieces! He’s the reason they’re dead, Laura! He betrayed them to You-Know-Who and got them killed! And then he made it look like I did it and also killed a bunch of Muggles! He has to pay for what he did!” He went right up into her face and shook her violently by the shoulders. “You’re not going to keep me from doing what’s right, woman!” He shoved her off himself, turning to pace the short piece of lawn, muttering to himself, while she regained her balance and collected herself.

“So that’s what you’re going to do? Go to Hogwarts to kill Peter and if you get caught, then so be it? You know that they’re not going to play around with you. If someone sees you, they won’t bother with a stunning spell or a bodylock, Sirius.”

“Good,” he spat out and didn’t see Laura stumble back and stare at him aghast with his back turned towards her.

“Why would you say that?” she asked tonelessly, staring at his back and his hung head.

“Because I deserve it.”

“Because you deser- why would you deserve to _die_?!” She took a few steps towards him but he whirled around and glared at her so viciously that she stopped dead in her tracks.

“Because it’s my fault! It’s my fault they’re dead! If I hadn’t suggested Peter as secret keeper, they would still be alive! They would still be here and Harry would still have his parents! I set them up to be killed!”

Never had Laura been so glad that her wards kept her bungalow safe and sound from the neighbor’s eyes and ears, that they would only see the illusion of the garden she had erected. She liked her privacy but this was more than that, this was about safety, about life and death. The Aurors were on Sirius’ trail but so were the police and she knew that at the slightest disturbance, her nosy neighbors would not hesitate to call them. Hence the wards, hence the heavily charmed and warded magical underground lab.

“How is it your fault that Peter is a dirty, rotten snitch? Did you tell him to go to You-Know-Who and betray them? Did you know he was going to do that?” she shouted back at him. “I’ll tell you the answer – no, you did not! None of us had any idea that he was in with them, Sirius! I had him in my very home just the day before, if you remember! No one knew! No one could have known!”

“But I should have! I should have known! I should have protected him! He was my best friend!” He turned away abruptly again and shook his head. “I should have known better than to change the plan last minute. Planning was always James’ forte, never mine.”

“Not all the ‘should have’s and ‘what if’s in the world will bring them back,” Laura said softly. “We cannot change what happened, we acted on our best knowledge and intent and that was all we could do at the time. It’s not our fault he betrayed us.”

“How can you say that when they are _dead_!” he roared in anguish and self-hatred. “They are _dead_ , Laura! James and Lily are dead!” His voice cracked towards the end and she could see his shoulders shake although he tried to suppress the sounds.

“I know they’re dead,” she said quietly. “And I miss them, just like you. And I wish they were still here, just like you. And I wish any of us could have known, just like you. But I haven’t spent eleven years and nine months living in a world without them to allow that to still bind me to those regrets and that pain.”

He didn’t say anything for several long moments.

“We know it was Peter and we know where he will be so we will make a plan and we will get justice. For them, and for you. But it won’t happen tonight so we should get some rest so we can make the best plan tomorrow.” Tomorrow they would have a clearer head and could figure out how to go about this, could play through different scenarios and find the best one. Despite what he had just said, Sirius had been good at making plans as well, if a little hotheaded and surging forward before thinking things through. Together they would figure it out.

He still said nothing but he went back to their bed setup and lay down. She took a deep breath and followed, very much aware of the distance he kept between them as he curled up. Already now she was glad for the two blankets because he was fully wrapped in his own.

“Good night. I love you,” she said quietly and closed her eyes.

III---III---III

The next morning Laura woke up with the sun and the birds but even that was not early enough. The space beside her was empty and so was most of her fridge. A leather bag was gone as well, and in the drawer in her bedside table where she had hidden a few spare wands she had collected over the years one was missing too.

Sirius had gone.

A little later, as she was cleaning up in her lab, she got a glimpse of the calendar she had hanging up there. She stopped still and then released a deep breath. Over everything happening with Sirius, she had almost forgotten what day it was today.

“Happy birthday, Harry,” she said quietly, running a finger over his name with the number 13 next to it. “Hope you have a great day and lots of hugs, darling.” A few boxes further down there was a mark on another day, a big empty circle. She pressed her lips together and glanced at the box of bottled potion that Sirius had taken a whiff of the day before. Giving a decided nod to herself, she picked it up and went back upstairs. She had a delivery to deposit.

III---III---III


	3. Familiar faces in familiar places

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies, dear readers, I got swept up in real life, pandemic craziness and a new fandom - totally forgot to update this!  
> Thank you, Queer.Crayon, for reminding me :)  
> A few more revelations in this one, let me know what you think about them!

III---III---III

It was equal parts strange and wonderful to be back in the back of the apothecary and brew things as mundane as Pepperup Potion. She had been brewing things much more complex than that lately and this she could do from the back of her head without having to think about it much at all. And they did get orders for more fun things too but not so much at the moment it seemed.

Whenever there were customers in the shop, she could hear them as well and after so many years of limited social contacts, it was almost fun to hear so many different voices again. Still, she had absolutely no intention to help out behind the counter, she much preferred staying back here and brewing.

Anwen had only given her a knowing look when she had turned up before the shop opened two days after Sirius had left and had given her a list of potions to brew. Laura hadn’t wanted to put anyone out of work but Emel who was usually the Potioneer on duty had gladly taken some more summer holidays to spend a few more days with her children before they went back to school. Anwen herself rarely brewed anymore she had said, much too busy with and preferring the administrative side and watching over the ingredients stock.

There were more complex things on the list but Laura usually started with the easiest ones to start the day and to get resettled in the working space. It wasn’t the most functional and she was trying to find out if that was because another Potioneer had set it up and it just didn’t suit how she did things, or if they needed to change something about the setup and layout of the brewing area. A few days in, she was almost certain it was the latter and in-between the steps of brewing, she was already forming ideas on how to redo the area.

“Laura.” Anwen’s quiet voice came from the corridor where the swing door led out into the front, or the back whichever way you looked at it.

Laura set a stasis charm to her potions and came out into the corridor, looking at Anwen questioningly.

“You’ll take this customer,” Anwen told her and ushered her through the swing door.

Any protest Laura had had on the tip of her tongue vanished when her eyes fell on a gangly boy with unruly black hair and round glasses, the only customer in the apothecary. She froze.

“Erm, hello,” Harry said hesitantly, approaching the counter with a piece of parchment clutched in his fingers.

“…hello,” Laura replied when she finally remembered her ability to form words and her manners. “…how can I help you?” she tacked on, her brain shooting out the phrase at random it felt.

“I need my school supplies, please.” Harry put the parchment onto the counter and Laura could see the Hogwarts crest at the top and then the long, long list of school materials that the students needed for each year.

“Of course,” she said quickly and took the parchment. It didn’t take long to find the Potions part of the list but she had to read the ingredient list three times before her brain also found the part where it had stored that sort of information. “Just a moment.”

“No rush, I’ve got time,” Harry told her in a friendly voice and Laura tried to smile at him but it probably came out more like a grimace because he seemed a little unsure then.

“Shrinking Solution, I see, I see,” she mumbled more to herself as she finally read and processed the list. She turned to pull out different jars and bottles to collect Harry’s ingredients.

“I’m sorry, did you say Shrinking Solution?” he asked then and she turned back to him.

“Yes, of course. You see, daisy roots, shrivelfig, rat spleen and leech juice are all needed for the Shrinking Solution. You’ll also need a few more, of course, but I suppose those will be supplied by the school,” she explained as evenly as she could.

Harry leaned forward over the counter a little. “Can you tell me more about Shrinking Solutions?” He now eyed her with interest, a look Laura was eerily familiar with from his father, even though his eye color was all his mother. She swallowed and took an even breath.

“Of course,” she agreed and Harry grinned triumphantly. “If you tell me why.”

His face fell slightly and he thought about it for a moment. “Professor Snape set an essay about Shrinking Solutions over the summer break and it’s a bit tricky,” he then answered diplomatically. Laura could tell that ‘a bit tricky’ was putting it lightly though.

“I see. Well, let me collect the rest of your ingredients and then I’ll tell you some more about Shrinking Solutions.” She finally managed a proper smile and Harry beamed back. She used the time she needed to gather the rest of the of his ingredients to get rid of the tears welling up in her eyes.

“What a bright and polite boy.” Anwen stepped up to Laura’s side as the door fell shut after Harry who was going home with a bag full of potions ingredients as well as a couple, or a couple more, pointers about Shrinking Solutions.

“Excuse me,” Laura said hastily and fled to the back, back to her potions that where faithfully waiting for her to get back to them. She canceled the stasis charm on one of them and tried to remember which steps she had already completed, but her brain insisted on firing memories at her instead.

Newborn Harry, the first time she had ever held the wriggly boy.

The last time she had seen him, just over a year old, taking his first steps holding onto his Mummy’s or Daddy’s fingers, grinning toothily up at anyone who would gift him a smile.

He was so big now. Not physically, he was actually rather thin and not very tall, and his clothes were incredibly big on him, who was buying his clothes for him, she wondered. But the difference between one-year-old Harry and thirteen-year-old Harry was… almost inconceivable.

She sat down heavily on one of the stools in the brewing station and stared unseeingly at the cauldrons in stasis. Some of them could do with a longer period of being set to stasis but some she should get back to quite soon before they were ruined. But she just couldn’t.

Just a few days ago she had seen Sirius again after so many years, and now Harry. And Remus had been at the shop just before Sirius so maybe he would- She didn’t know if she could take that. Seeing all three of them again in the matter of a week when she had seen none of them in almost twelve years. It was all a bit too much.

“Come on, love, let’s get you home.” Anwen patted her shoulder and Laura broke out of her frozen state.

“But I’m brewing,” she protested and stood. “These just need a bit more time, I’ll go home then.”

Anwen gave her a scrutinizing look. “Alright, but we’re closing for lunch and I will make you eat, you sweet and tiny girl.”

“You always say that,” Laura replied with a small smile.

“And I’ll continue to say it until you’ve got some meat back on your bones, dear. Girls these days, I’m telling you.” Anwen muttered to herself as she went back to the front of the shop and left Laura to complete her brewing.

III---III---III

Days turned into weeks again and there was nothing new. Emel came back to work and Laura made room, brewing from home again, the tricky ones that went beyond the capacity of what the brewing station allowed. She was also corresponding with Emel frequently for a new design of the brewing station and reaching out to Marina to find out whether renovations at the Hogsmeade brewing station were due as well. Perhaps renovations were due not only for the brewing stations but the stores altogether? She started some correspondence with Anwen and Jacqueline about that as well.

It was difficult to live by the mantra that no news were good news. If, or when, Sirius got caught, it would have been in the Daily Prophet quite promptly, Laura was very sure but there was nothing substantial about him in the paper she was now reading front to back again after more than a decade of staying away. The quality of the contents had not improved in all that time, she found. It was still not worth the paper it was printed on but it was her only liable but mostly her only safe source of information. The Daily Prophet a safe source of information, how ridiculous a thought that was but it was true. She could not very well go asking around about Sirius, she assumed that since he had freed himself, certain people were reminded of her existence as well. No one had been to the shops asking for her though and she couldn’t decide if that was good or bad either. But for now, no news had to be good news, at least in the sense that Sirius was still freely roaming.

And then news came. Not the news she had been looking out for, but maybe these news were even more horrifying. They weren’t published in the Daily Prophet or any other magical publication but found their way to Laura the way most important news had reached her in the past decade.

It was the 2 nd of September when she received the note from Anwen, inconspicuous as the envelope was, the contents were enough to make her feel faint all over again.

_L,_

_Emel received the following in a letter from her daughter at Hogwarts:_

_* Dementors entered the Hogwarts Express (possibly in search of Sirius Black)_

_* they attacked Harry Potter_

_* the new DADA teacher, Professor Lupin, repelled the attack_

_* Dementors now guard the borders of Hogwarts_

_\- A_

Laura didn’t know which piece of news to focus on first. Dementors attacking Harry. The new DADA teacher, Professor Lupin. Dementors guarding the borders of Hogwarts.

After a few moments of rising panic, she decided to process the good news first.

Professor Lupin, the new DADA teacher. There were few other roles that Laura could imagine Remus as better in than as a teacher. Professor Lupin. The thought made her smile, wistfully and a little mournfully, but she did feel happy for him. What a wonderful feat for him to find employment at the school. Although her brain wanted to supply her with the founded objection that Albus Dumbledore was the headmaster and that it was quite a coincidence that Remus was employed at Hogwarts just when Sirius had broken free, she didn’t allow that thought to fully register in favor of celebrating this accomplishment. She had no doubt that he would be a wonderful teacher to all his students and she was glad that he would have a home and regular meals as well as an occupation that suited him.

That left the other two news to consider and those filled her with much less warmth but rather a large amount of anxiety and worry.

If Dementors were now stationed at Hogwarts, what was their business on the Hogwarts Express? And why on earth would they attack a student, namely Harry? Surely he could not have provoked them in any way. And for Remus to have repelled them- Just the thought that either of them had been so close to a creature so vile and horrible made her tremble.

And then the last bit. Dementors guarding the grounds of Hogwarts. The very place Sirius was seeking out, the very place Peter was supposedly in hiding if he had gone to school with the Weasley boy. Muggles would report a sighting, wizards and witches who spotted him would either report it as well or try to detain him before they reported him which he might be able to circumvent, being an able and witty wizard as well as a skilled animagus. But the Dementors? Would he be able to escape them a second time? She feared not.

III---III---III

Just being in the vicinity of Dementors was bone-chilling. Laura shivered as they neared the entrance to the grounds of Hogwarts and understood why her appointment partner had insisted on meeting her well before the gates. The air was cold, icy even, much colder than early September would have been, and it was only as they passed through the gates and put more distance between themselves and the Dementors that she understood that the spike in anxiety and dark thoughts had not (only) been her own.

The only way to protect Sirius from capture and certain death was to try and fulfill his mission herself. She had toiled with that realization for several sleepless nights and anxiety-ridden days and then it had cemented itself into a large, heavy block of concrete in the middle of her belly with another article on Sirius. Sighted by a Muggle woman in a town not too far from Hogwarts. He was so close and the only way to save him, to protect him, to keep him from running into his own peril, was to be faster than him.

Fortunately, unlike him, she could inconspicuously access the grounds of the school very easily with the writing of just one letter. However, inconspicuous access did not mean unaccompanied access or free roaming, as for the possible purpose of tracking down a Gryffindor student and relieving him of his pet rat.

Her companion, if he could be called that, walked with her silently which she appreciated. Neither of them had ever been much for idle chatter and so the silence between them was neither unwelcome nor awkward. It left her with plenty of opportunity to try to gain control of the tense anticipation that was having a rather firm hold of her chest. She could not allow him, nor anyone else, to suspect that she was up to anything but what she had requested to be doing.

“Professor Lupin.”

Laura gave a start at the sound of her companion’s not very loud but still plenty penetrating voice which carried over to Remus who had just been passing by. A few students around them perked up at this and Laura got the distinct feeling that even just two weeks into the school year, the mutual dislike between the two professors was plenty obvious to the student body. Even if she had not known either for them for many years before, it would have been obvious to her within a moment’s glance between them now.

“Professor Snape. Miss Blanchett.” Remus greeted them politely but his green eyes did not stray from her blue ones for even a moment.

“Professor Lupin,” Laura said and the words came out much more softly than they maybe should have.

“ _Madam_ Blanchett,” Severus said at the same time, perfectly plainly but cuttingly.

Both their eyes turned to the black haired man.

“You’ll find that the respectful address of an accomplished master of her discipline is Madam.” Only he could have a true compliment on her competence double as a thinly veiled, profound insult.

Remus’ eyes went back to hers and she caught a glimpse of something she did not want to, could not think on deeper, right now, ever.

“Forgive me. _Madam_ Blanchett.”

How long she had waited to hear those two words from him but in such a context they were… laughable. Cheap. Meaningless.

There was a short, rather awkward silence in which Laura was very sure that Severus was inspecting both of them closely.

“Congratulations on your appointment as Defense Against Dark Arts professor,” she got out finally and saw the tiny quirk of the corners of his mouth before he stopped himself from smiling, due to the third person standing with them.

“Thank you, Madam Blanchett,” he replied rather stiffly, ignoring the derisive noise their bystander had emitted. “I hope you’re well.” There was a tiny, tiny question mark tacked onto the end of that which maybe only she could hear but she did.

“As well as the circumstances allow,” she answered indulgently but never looked away from him. His eyes flickered from her direct stare momentarily. “I hope you are as well.”

“As well as the circumstances allow,” he echoed her hollowly.

“Captivating, really,” Severus cut in snidely. “If you would excuse us, Lupin, the house-elves would be most displeased if we left their afternoon tea to cool upon idle chatter. Madam Blanchett.”

For a moment, Laura had to fight not to burst into laughter. Severus was honestly offering his arm for her to take. She stared at it for a split moment too long, long enough for the corners of Severus’ mouth to tug south even more and for Remus’ to go up. The curve of the latter’s flattened when she took the proffered arm.

“Good day, Professor Lupin,” she said and let Severus lead her away.

The way to the dungeons and the Potions professor’s office was well known to Laura and she welcomed the chill of going deeper and deeper below ground. It was a chill much different than the one she had encountered by the gates of the school.

Severus let her enter his office before him and after he had closed the door after her, she held out a hand towards him.

He eyed it for a moment and quirked one dark eyebrow at her.

She looked back at him calmly.

Finally he ended their staring contest and stepped behind his desk. From a drawer he extracted a small vial of clear liquid which he handed her. She uncorked it and drank it, holding his gaze as she did so and set the vial onto the desk.

“Well, that’s that,” she said brightly and sat on the chair in front of his desk, making a point of sliding into a somewhat comfortable position rather than sitting straight-backed.

“Very well.” He sat as well.

“Now that we have established that I am indeed myself and under no potions nor charms, shall we get down to business, Severus?” Laura asked with half a smile.

“You can hardly blame me for ensuring your identity and sanity after requesting a meeting at such a peculiar time. After all, your affiliations are well known.”

“I would have blamed you if you hadn’t. And so are yours, dear Severus.”

They had another few moments of a staring contest.

“Funny the things such a silly notion as love will bring us to do,” she commented lightly and couldn’t help but enjoy the way his glare sharpened just so. It had been a long time since she had done a dance like this and she missed it.

“Indeed,” he allowed finally, bowing his head just ever so slightly. “Now, shall we have our negotiations over a cup of tea rather than on parchment as accustomed?” He called for a house-elf and had a tea service delivered within minutes. With a wave of his wand he filled the pot with water then boiled it with another. Only after vanishing the water and then repeating the steps, he added the tea leaves. There were a few minutes of silence until he picked up the pot and poured two cups, adding precise amounts of milk and sugar to both with practiced ease.

Laura took hers and took a sip, closing her eyes. “Preparing tea is an art form.” She opened her eyes and watched him indulge in a few sips with pleasure as well. His expression softened slightly as he did so.

“So, tell me about the Seventh Years. Anyone promising I ought to snag up at the end of the year?” She took a biscuit from the plate and took a bite. 

“Jason Samuels, Ravenclaw, shows an adequate aptitude for Potions as does Grant Sparkford, Slytherin.”

She let out a hum and finished the biscuit, taking another one and dunking it into her tea. He made no attempt to hide his disgust at her action from his face, she smiled at him brightly in response.

“Perhaps more in line with your particular preferences, I might suggest Diana Ayers. She displays rather surprising capabilities, considering she hails from Hufflepuff.”

Laura inclined her head. “Understanding the Herbology side does help when dealing with ingredients. Not that either of us was born with a green thumb but I suppose we do well enough.”

Severus didn’t comment but she did catch the tiny, minuscule sparkle of amusement in his black eyes for just the shortest fraction of a moment. They did more than well enough.

“There is also Penelope Clearwater, another Ravenclaw, though she displays an unfortunate romantic inclination towards one of the Weasley offspring.”

“I see.” She ate the biscuit before it could dissolve completely. “As accustomed, I would like to offer break internships to at least four of the most promising ones.”

“Of course. I’ll send a list.”

“Thank you.”

They sat in silence for a while.

“How is he?” The question slipped over Laura’s lips before she had even registered that it had formed in her mind.

“The students seem to adore him already,” Severus answered in a tone as though every letter caused him great pain. Drama queen, Laura thought with an inner roll of her eyes, while she continued to sit perfectly composed.

“Harry, how is Harry?” she specified and watched his dark expression from assuming she was asking him about Remus darken even further when it was clear she was actually asking about Harry.

“An insolent, arrogant brat,” was what he spit out and now she was the one quirking an eyebrow.

“I see.” Harry seemed to have inherited the hatred Severus had had for his father. Unfortunate, and if Laura was asked probably also unfair. Harry had been perfectly polite and bright at the apothecary with a genuine interest in ingredients and potions. Even so, Severus did not make it easy to remain polite towards him, she knew.

“Are you after him as well then?”

She looked up from her cup of tea at the question, an uncharacteristically direct inquiry. “He isn’t after Harry,” she said and immediately knew she had said too much. If anyone, she should have said it to Remus but Merlin help her, not Severus.

Severus’ expression was perfectly blank and the look from his eyes no less or more piercing than usual. Nothing allowed even a hint of what was going on inside his mind.

Nothing allowed even a hint of what was going on in hers, even as they locked eyes again.

“Let’s not waste our time and energy having this fruitless staring contest,” she sighed, looking away. “We both know that neither of us will allow the tiniest infraction nor will either of us succeed in making one.”

“Very well.”

They sat in silence again.

“It appears as though Professor Lupin and yourself had been out of touch for a while,” he dared an advance a while later.

She gave him a tired look. “You know as well as I do that I have not spoken to him in almost twelve years, Severus.”

“Funny thing, that,” he commented quietly. “Dr. White.”

“Funny thing, that,” she replied just as quietly and took another biscuit. “Actually, it is most intriguing.” She sat up again and met his gaze.

“It would appear so, since one of the brightest minds in modern Potioneering has deigned herself to the completion of a doctorate in the field of biochemistry.”

She said nothing but sipped her tea.

“The recent publication was rather intriguing.”

“But?” She gestured for him to refill her cup which he did.

“It displayed a distinct lack of the intersectionality that was undoubtedly employed in order to achieve such groundbreaking advances in the research of how the human immunodeficiency virus progresses into acquired immune deficiency syndrome.”

She stared at him for a moment then tossed herself back into her seat with a scoff. “Well, if I have missed out on the novel existence of a publication that specializes on combining Muggle science and magic then please, do enlighten me.”

That was answered with a hum and they left it at that impasse. There was no such publication and until there was, it would probably be decades. Or Laura would have to establish one herself. So Dr. White was limited to publishing in Muggle science publications. If they deigned themselves to publish anything about HIV/AIDS which were not too many, unfortunately. Even less, if such essays were submitted by a woman.

“One will have to make do with the unpublished then,” he commented casually, if Severus Snape was capable of such a thing as casualty.

“One does,” she agreed quite bitterly and this time she hadn’t even made an attempt to conceal the emotional coloring of her voice.

“Such as improvements on the Wolfsbane Potion,” he tacked on and Laura looked up sharply.

“Have you-“ She cleared her throat of the sudden thickness that clogged it. “Continued evaluation and adjustment is paramount to maintain consistent results.”

“A core concept of Potioneering that Damocles Belby has never understood nor applied, otherwise one would not need to fumble around with the imprecise laundry list he deigned himself to distribute in place of a workable recipe five years ago.”

His words were as good as an explosion, in more ways than one. His cool and controlled manner of speaking slipped, making place for a display of the true and deep-seated disdain he felt towards their colleague, a very rare display. And then there was the deeper meaning of his words…

As her mind whirled to connect the dots, Laura was no longer able to keep a modicum of countenance, staring at Severus with rounded eyes and a speechless mouth.

“ _You_ ’re brewing his Wolfsbane?” she asked tonelessly.

He gave a curt nod.

“But I have been-“ She cut herself off, looking away, staring unseeingly at a wall lined with shelves filled with… things. Instead, her inner eye saw the wooden boxes she had prepared and sent off, every month, for five years and three months, ever since Belby’s announcement of his invention. Sixty-three boxes.

“I see,” she heard herself say in a strange, detached voice, rough around the edges. “I will send the improved recipe promptly, along with a list of the goods in need of negotiation. The regular discount will be subtracted. Good day, Professor Snape.”

She didn’t know how she made it out of the dungeons, or the castles, or past the Dementor-guarded gates but somehow she found herself back in her house, in her laboratory, standing in front of box number sixty-four. No matter how much she wanted to, she could not bring herself to throw it across the room. None of her equipment deserved such an assault.

III---III---III


	4. The Forest of Forbidden Things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year! I'm posting a round of updates to all my active stories to start 2021 off so if you follow any of the others, keep an eye out :)
> 
> In the book Full Moon is on 5th November (when Snape substitutes for Remus), although in reality Full Moon was on 30th October and then again at the end of November (29th) in 1993. Though not always, for this particular event the timeline of the book is used.  
> Like many seem to, I imagine the blood-sucking bugbear as a vaguely bear-like creature. It will appear in such a way in this chapter.

III---III---III

The Forbidden Forest had long since lost both its forbidden and intimidating nature since her school years, yet as Laura was trekking through it, every snap of a branch, every rustling of the leaves, every dancing shadow from the breeze, made her head snap towards where she perceived the noise or movement. But wherever she looked, wherever she went, there was nothing there.

After a while, after she had already scoured the edges of the forest and was now delving deeper into the woods, the snaps and rustles became more prominent. She stopped and waited.

“You’re a bit early for our next appointment,” a deep voice called out from somewhere to her left. She turned towards it but he was not visible.

“I’m not here for our appointment,” she called back, waiting still as the sounds came closer. Now she could see his tall, overbearing silhouette between the trees and brush. “I’m looking for something else.”

“Any assistance we might lend?” he asked with the leer audible in his voice even though she could not see it.

“No, thank you,” she replied brightly. “You’re not too far from Hogwarts. Remember our agreement.”

“I have not forgotten,” he growled but she heeded the dangerous undertone no mind.

“Alright. Anything you need in the meantime until we meet again?”

There was a moment of silence and she knew he was contemplating the needs of his pack versus his pride still forbidding him to ask for something from her.

“There’s one on the way,” he said finally and she swallowed. “Might be there by then.”

Laura pursed her lips and released a breath. “I’ll gather some supplies. Leave them at the usual spot in a week?”

“No, use the grotto.”

“Alright.”

Another silence.

“Might want to look a little closer to home though, little mate.” He had moved closer yet again and now she could make out his face.

“I’m aware,” she said curtly. “And though you may wish I was your mate, I’m really not sorry that I’m not, my dear.”

He chuckled at that, a rumbling sound from somewhere deep in his chest. Even so, his eyes slid over her frame in a deliberately lecherous way. She was not shaken by that either, it was far from the first time it had happened and it would not be the last. Besides, she was as covered as she could be, well dressed for the excursion of the day traipsing through the forest in sturdy boots and durable as well as decidedly Muggle hiking gear. November in London may not have been so bad yet but November in the highlands was quite a bit more frosty.

“You’re too much work, little mate,” he told her with some amusement but then grew serious again. “Avoid the Northwestern corner. Some nasty pieces lurking around there.”

“I’m fairly sure people would say that there’s one just a few steps from me.”

“Good thing you’re not people then, little mate. I’ll leave you to it now. The others are aware you’re here.”

She gave a firm nod. He never said it, and he never would, but she only needed to holler for help and if they heard her, they would come.

He faded back into the forest within moments and she took a moment to resettle herself before she journeyed on. Maybe after crossing paths with the beast she hadn’t intended to find, she would find the one she was looking for. She knew there was little chance for it though but that did not keep her from continuing on.

III---III---III

Towards the end of the second day of scouring the Forbidden Forest in search of a particular creature but coming across what felt like any other that inhabited the forest, Laura was beginning to feel herself wane. She was not one to give up easily, and she wouldn’t, but finding not even a trace of him… Though there was a very probable reason for this, something she experienced in person in the early afternoon of the second day of her search.

The thing was she heard them coming well enough before they ever noticed her. If she had wanted, she could have been gone before they had even known she was ever there. Hence was the problem with the Aurors. Subtlety was not really their forte.

“Who’s there!” shouted one of them when they finally took note of her.

Logic was not the forte of this bunch either, she thought. If she had been Sirius, or anyone else they sought to apprehend, she would not have wasted the time to identify herself before she disappeared.

“Stop right there! This is the Aurors!”

Laura gave a soft sigh and raised her hands, broadly displaying her wand.

“Hands and wand where we can see them!”

Observation made the list of not-their-forte as well. What even could these ‘Aurors’ do?

“State your name and business in the Forbidden Forest!”

Three men in Auror robes approached her, wands pointed, eyeing her suspiciously.

“My name is Laura Blanchett and I have a license to harvest in the Forbidden Forest, as granted by the Ministry. I’m a Master Potioneer.”

The one that seemed to be their leader, or just the take-charge kind, came even closer. He gave her a slow once over, the kind that let her know that he didn’t believe for even a second that she, a small woman alone in the Forbidden Forest, could be anything she had just stated to be. His gaze then went to the backpack by her feet, a small shovel next to a container with the roots she had just harvested.

“If you have a license from the Ministry, you must carry it. Failure to produce such document will lead to your immediate arrest,” he informed her condescendingly.

“It’s in my backpack.” She nodded to the bag.

“Johnson, search the backpack.”

One of the other men grabbed her backpack, opened it and upended it, spilling the contents on the forest floor. Laura narrowed her eyes but kept her mouth shut, the Leading Idiot’s look just daring her to speak up. Johnson rummaged through the day’s harvest as well as the equipment and supplies she was carrying with her. Finally he found the leather wallet in which she carried her license and Ministry identification.

“Laura Blanchett, Master Potioneer, certification from 1980,” he read from the parchment and then unfolded the license. “She’s licensed to harvest ingredients here, boss.”

Oh, so he wasn’t just Leading Idiot, he was Boss Idiot. Just as well.

Boss Idiot gave her a lopsided sneer. “Check for falsification, Johnson.”

Johnson dutifully waved his wand over her documents, speaking the incantations very clearly. A white glow surrounded the parchments which faded after a few moments. Her documents were not fake.

Boss Idiot snatched them out of Johnson’s hand and inspected them himself, running the check again as well. There was a certain amount of satisfaction she felt when his check came back just as clear. She was careful not to let it show though as he gave her another scrutinizing look.

“As you can see, my documents are genuine, Mr. …?”

“Egbert,” Johnson supplied when his boss didn’t.

“As you can see, my documents are genuine, Mr. Egbert,” she said as politely as she could. More polite would have been to address him as Auror Egbert but well. No.

“It seems that they are.” He gave her another scrutinizing look. “Peculiar time to be running about the Forbidden Forest all by your lonesome, Miss Blanchett. You must be aware that there is a wanted criminal at large that has been roaming the area.”

“And if he tried to attack me, he would be in serious trouble,” she stated none too bothered. “My husband is scouring these woods not far from here. Fully licensed and documented as well, of course. I’m surprised you didn’t come across him yet? Maybe he’s wandered off a bit, he’s easily distracted. A rabbit runs this way, a rat that way.” She gave a nonchalant shrug. “I’ll be sure to find him promptly, Auror Egbert.” She added a sweet little smile.

“See that you do,” he grumbled and gave her one last once-over before he nodded to his minions and passed her documents back before they stomped off where they had come from.

“If you were looking for any suspicious activity, you might give the Northeastern corner a try, Auror Egbert,” she called after them but heard no reply. Oh well.

Laura had counted to well over 100 until she felt coarse, warm hair touch the hand she wasn’t holding her wand in. She laid her hand onto the creature’s head and exhaled, very slowly and very evenly.

“That was too fucking close,” she ground out and her fingers tightened around the strands of dark fur. The creature emitted a low whine and finally she turned and looked at the black dog standing in front of her once more. With one last look towards where the Aurors had disappeared to, she raised her wand and started reciting a string of incantations.

“When did you know I was there?” Sirius asked once he had transformed back into a man. Even if the Aurors had come back, they wouldn’t have found this spot again and anyone who did would not have been able to see anything but forest as far as their eye reached. Laura had learned a thing or two about wards in the past decade.

“I know you were watching me plenty before they showed up.” She rolled her eyes at him and started picking up her spilled belongings. “You’re not exactly subtle.”

“No, I suppose not,” he allowed and stopped her from repacking her backpack by drawing her into his arms.

“You stink,” she protested feebly but leaned into his chest. He was less unkempt than the last time she had seen him but at least as dirty. On first look, he seemed to have put a little weight back on his body but he was still much too thin to be considered healthy, she was quite sure.

“No nagging?” he asked after several moments had passed.

“Somehow I got the memo that you’re going to do whatever you want to do, when you ransacked my house and left me in the middle of the night, Sirius,” she deadpanned and pulled back from him.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, you’re not.” She fixed him with a piercing look.

He pouted slightly, which inwardly made her cheer for joy because it was so him and that was good, but then he shrugged, his expression resuming its previous scowl. “No, I’m not,” he agreed darkly. “If only the damn portrait had let me through, I could have-“

“I swear on our bond and my magic, Sirius Black, if I ever get a letter like this again, anything the Aurors or Dementors can do to you will pale in comparison to what I will do to you.” She slapped a piece of parchment against this chest and went back to what she had been doing before the Aurors had shown up while he read the letter.

_L,_

_though I believe my pleas to be futile and to fall onto deaf ears, as they have for the past fifteen years, I will still write them on the off chance that even a scintilla of them might reach you._

_Do not go to Hogwarts. Do not go to Hogsmeade. Do not look for him. Do not go back to where you were twelve years ago. Do not allow all your hard work to fall back at his feet._

_You are strong, Laura. The strongest woman I know. You are stronger than this. You have persisted for twelve years and you will persist for so many more. But only if you do not allow yourself to go back to that place. You worked so hard to drag yourself out of it by your own hairs, you owe it to yourself not to throw all of it away._

_That being said, I will update you like I have promised to do._

_* Sirius Black broke into Hogwarts the night between 30_ _th_ _and 31_ _st_ _October_

_* he badly damaged the portrait guarding Gryffindor Tower_

_* he escaped before anyone could catch him_

_* no one got hurt_

_* the students stayed the night in the Great Hall as a safety precaution_

_Laura. Remember who you are. Remember what you have fought for. Remember why you are still here._

_\- A_

The silence between them dragged on and Laura had long gone back to harvesting the Bloodroot she had come across while tracking Sirius who had been tracking her. Finally he let out a deep sigh and crumpled the letter in his hand.

“You still came,” he stated the obvious.

She didn’t look up but the Bloodroot she was digging out would be nearly unusable when she was finished hacking it out of the soil. When she was finished, she placed it into the container, sealed it and stood up.

Sirius watched her with a confused frown on his face when she started taking off her clothes next. Some of her clothes at least. Her heavy and weatherproof hiking coat. The matching hiking trousers. Even her hiking boots. She summoned a pair of trainers before she took off the latter and stepped into them. Keeping eye contact with him, she pointed her wand at each item and they resized themselves into much larger versions.

“Since arguing with you and your thick head is a futile endeavor that I quite frankly do not have the nerves and energy for at this present time, I’ve decided that trying to keep you alive for at least a bit longer does appear somewhat preferable to me,” she told him and started extracting things from a compartment of her backpack that had not opened itself when Johnson had shaken it upside down. Out came a rain jacket and another set of woolly hat, scarf and gloves as well as a rolled up leather satchel and lastly a multi-level metal lunch box.

He went for the lunch box immediately, opening it and moaning loudly at the contents. There was nothing mannered about the way he started stuffing the fresh bread and cooked meat into his mouth.

Laura redressed and then unrolled the leather, revealing two rows of vials with multicolored contents. “They’re labeled for you.” She pulled a vial from a row of same ones, all filled with an almost opalescent milky liquid. “I want you to take a sip of these every day. They should last you a while. Although I hope it won’t be that long, I’ll put another supply in the spot behind the Hog’s Head before you run out by my calculations.”

“What is it?” he wanted to know, snatching the vial from her hand and inspecting it.

She looked at him, waiting, until he looked back at her. “My own recipe. They’re based on something similar the Muggles use called anti-depressants.”

Sirius all but spiked the vial back at her but she caught it, unimpressed.

“You want to drug me?!” he accused scathingly, gray eyes glaring at her distrustfully.

“No, I don’t want to drug you,” she answered calmly and straightened up. It only made him tower over her a little less. Such was a fate of a woman who had only grown to a height of just over a meter and a half. “I want you to feel better and anti-depressants help in that. They level certain things in your body which will help you feel more balanced and clear, more yourself, if you take them regularly.”

“How could I feel more myself when you’re giving me _that_?” He shook his head, his long, dark hair flying.

“Are you saying you feel yourself right now?” she questioned with raised eyebrows. “Are you saying you feel balanced and clear right now? You spent eleven years and seven months in the grasp of Dementors, Sirius. You’ve experienced multiple kinds of traumas. You’re lurking around a school right now, trying to catch the man that framed you and you don’t care whether you make it out alive or not. You’ve always been a bit hotheaded but even for your standards, that’s mad.” She glared right back at him, not moving back an inch. “So yes, I want you to take these because they will help you feel more balanced and clear, so you can make better decisions than what your scrambled mind is telling you right now. I won’t ask you to come back with me, I won’t ask you to stop trying to catch Peter, but I want you to take these.” She pushed the vial into his hand and stepped back. “But then again, you don’t seem to care about what I want or what I think so do whatever you want with it.”

If the last bit was passive-aggressive and manipulative and frustrated and angry and a whole lot of other things, then so be it, she decided. He didn’t give a damn about what it meant for her that he was going on his rampage so why should she give a damn about him? If only it was that easy.

“Laura…” He reached for her elbow as she gathered the rest of her things and put them back into the backpack.

“You can leave a message at the apothecary in some way if you need anything else. I’ll try to get it to you as soon as I can but I don’t want people to get suspicious. Well, more suspicious than they already are.” She slid the backpack over her shoulders and adjusted the woolen hat on her head. She hesitated for a moment then looked at him again. “Happy birthday, my love, there’s cake in the box for tomorrow. Please be careful,” she said quietly and turned around to walk away before the willpower to do so left her completely.

III---III---III

For a while she just walked. Just walked, no set destination in mind, not taking much note of her surroundings or the plants she came across. There was plenty of forest to walk through so she didn’t run out.

In hindsight, paying at least a little more attention would have been quite clever, really, because by the time she became aware that she was being followed again, the options of dealing with the blood-sucking bugbear who was trailing her were limited. As in, there was only one left. Immediately disapparate before the panting, car-sized, beady-eyed creature reached her because when it was within seeing distance, that was the only way to make it out alive unless you were intent on slaying the beast which did pose the interesting opportunity of acquiring a whole other slew of ingredients but not when she was on her own. Hunting a blood-sucking bugbear was not a one-woman-job.

So Laura did what any sensible witch would have done, she envisioned the edge of the Forbidden Forest where she had entered it (short distance apparition was better suited for a situation like this although she wouldn’t have minded apparating directly into her safe and warm living room) and disapparated.

Only, nothing happened.

She focused harder on the spot and tried again.

She was still there a moment later, and the bugbear was moving slowly closer, like it knew she was caught.

Her mind reeling she simultaneously tried to think of an alternative course of action as well as trying to figure out why she couldn’t-

Anti-apparition wards. The Aurors had to have cast Anti-apparition wards. Over the entire forest? Impossible, it was much too large, but at least in this part they had and now she couldn’t-

“STUPEFY!” she shouted, hitting the bugbear with her strongest stunning spell and then legged it. The stunner wasn’t going to keep the bugbear contained for long but any bit of time she could buy was crucial.

It felt like only a second later she could hear the bugbear following her trail, twigs and branches breaking and cracking loudly under its heavy steps. She could also hear her blood rushing in her ears as well as her own heartbeat and her gasping breaths. Spending her days cooped up in her lab did not make for excellent endurance training, unfortunately, and she knew that she could not run like this for very long.

A skill she was marginally better at than sprinting was climbing and luckily there were plenty of trees offered right up to her in this forest, she only had to find the right one. Or any one, really, that was big and sturdy enough to withstand the bugbear until she could think of something else. One came up to her right which was so large she could not have wrapped her arms around it halfway, neither could have Sirius which was a much better gauge, which she scaled with little finesse but adequate success.

Laura almost barked out a laugh when the bugbear ran straight into the massive tree trunk in its quest to chase her, stumbling back in a daze. She was far enough up that she could not be reached by the sharp paws even as the bugbear stretched to its tallest height by the time it shook off the daze. The enraged blows the bugbear gave the tree as well as its full body-slams did carry through the tree with shakes and trembles but not nearly powerful enough to do any damage. She climbed a little higher still and sat on a sturdy branch, surveying the situation.

For now she was safe but she couldn’t stay on the tree forever. Apparition still didn’t work, she attempted it several times, and she would have to come down eventually. So she had to get rid of the bugbear somehow. While her occupation did include knowledge about a variety of creatures and species, it did usually only extend to how to use them after their collection. Slaying a bugbear had definitely not been included.

The best idea she had at the moment, which may not have been the best idea entirely but just the best one she could come up with at the time, was to wait it out. Ideally the bugbear would grow tired of waiting, or distracted by something else, and leave so that she could leave. The problems were plentiful with that plan though. How long would she have to stay up in the tree before the bugbear would leave? And most of all – how far did the anti-apparition wards extend? She knew vaguely which part of the forest she was in but that was it. Not the best foundation to work from.

For over half an hour, Laura sat up in the tree, shifting this way and that to keep her bum from going totally numb, waiting for the bugbear to stop pacing at the bottom of the tree. Finally, what felt like an eternity later but was about an hour in total, the bugbear disappeared into the thicket. She waited for a little longer, listening closely to the sounds around her, but then deemed the danger was having passed.

Very slowly she climbed down the tree. Up was always easier than down and her cold, stiff limbs did not help. She hadn’t planned to spend longer in the forest in just a light jacket and no more protective hiking gear, she had planned to apparate home after leaving Sirius with his supplies. Now she was frozen down to her bones and she could feel a cold already coming.

She hadn’t made her way down very far when it came as it had to. She misjudged a step, or the sturdiness of a branch, and suddenly instead of shifting her weight onto something that would hold her, she tipped into nothingness. The rest of her body followed, her balance off and her limbs still too stiff. Her descent would have been quite comical, hitting one branch after the other, only she wasn’t a character in a comic but a real human being. At some point she lost grip of her wand as well, hitting or twisting her arm somewhere, she wasn’t sure. She was only sure of the pain that exploded in her arm, and the rest of her body. By the time she made it to the floor, there was no part of her body that felt painless and at some point she had to have bumped her head too because the browns and greens of the forest above her were blurring around the edges.

“Ow,” she croaked and closed her eyes. She hurt too much all over to move much, an explosion of pain as she tried to sit up or roll over quickly convinced her to cease such attempts promptly. “Accio wand,” she whispered. Nothing happened. “Accio wand!” she repeated as firmly as she could. Still nothing. “Well fuck.”

For a few moments, or minutes?, she lay there, resigning herself to yet another situation she had not accounted for when she had set off this morning. Lying on the cold ground in the Forbidden Forest with likely several broken bones and a head wound. Wonderful.

After allowing herself to feel sorry for herself for a few moments, she set herself to evaluating her situation and finding a solution to it. This was interrupted by a rustling coming from somewhere to her left that sounded like it was coming closer. Her short contemplation whether it was stupid or helpful to call for help was ended by the appearance of a pair of beady eyes in her field of vision. The bugbear was back.

“Accio wand!” Laura shouted but her wand still did not come to her. Eyes fixed on the approaching bugbear, her mind raced to finding another route of defense or escape. But both seemed impossible when even trying to lift herself to sitting up made the edges of her vision blur again and stars dance in front of her eyes. With the bugbear mere meters from her, she opened her mouth for her last-ditch attempt. “AWOOOOOO!” she howled as loudly as she could, her ribcage moving painfully with her breathing in as deeply as she could. “AWOOOOOOOOOO!” She could only hope they would find her quickly enough to salvage at least some part of her before the bugbear finished with her.

III---III---III


	5. Professor Snape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of my biggest !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! points I have in the Harry Potter word is starting to come into play.  
> Which is the man in the title.  
> How none of the other teachers ever rebuke him or HOW HE IS A TEACHER AT ALL  
> I won't start because we'll be here forever  
> but one of my fix-its is "someone holds Snape accountable for his shitshow of teaching" (or at least tries to)  
> because like... what even. What Even.

III---III---III

Laura sat and let her eyes trail over the changes they had made to this brewing station. It was quite an improvement and success, the layout and equipment was much more functional now. Both apothecaries had seen some renovations and Laura was well pleased with them. Commissioning and seeing through the overhauls from home, largely even from her bed, had been stressful, exhausting and difficult. She was seeing the final results for the first time now at the Hogsmeade apothecary.

The door opened and Jacqueline entered, setting down a cup of tea in front of Laura. It was early for a Saturday morning and the students out for their Hogsmeade weekend would not be swarming the village until a little later. Still, Laura had wanted to come with plenty of buffer to settle in and to have a look around the renovated apothecary before her appointment.

The appointment had come as a surprise, a large surprise. The little note had been passed along via Anwen from Jacqueline who had received it from a Hogwarts student via owl. Laura hadn’t been very familiar with the name at the bottom of the note but there was one mentioned in the text that had automatically made her confirm the meeting. Any friend of Harry’s was someone Laura would gladly answer potions related, or any, questions for. Now she was waiting for one Hermione Granger to show up.

With just a few days to Christmas, Hogsmeade looked absolutely lovely. Everything was covered by a lighter or heavier dusting of show and there were many decorations up despite the fact that Christmas was a Christian holiday and Laura had never met nor heard of a witch or wizard who practiced the faith in earnest. Still, Christmas was approaching so reds and greens were dominating the embellishments.

Her favorite were all the lights. She didn’t care much for the garlands or the baubles or the ornaments, none of the poinsettias or mistletoe, whether enchanted or not, struck much of her fancy. But the lights, oh the lights. Any kind of candle, lamp, lantern, magical or not, she absolutely adored. Fairy lights were her favorite of them all, preferably a warm, white light rather than the blinking and flashing colored ones. No, just a string of lights, resembling stars, those were the best. It went without saying that the decorations at the apothecaries favored heavily on fairy lights and less so on any greenery. Which was good because mistletoe had a nasty habit of contaminating certain ingredients and substances.

Laura had stirred and re-stirred then nearly drained her tea sip by sip when Jacqueline finally came back and told her that her appointment was there. She quickly swallowed the rest of the tea, cold as it was, and rose from her chair. One step she managed with the assistance of the table but for the next ones she needed the support of the cane she had brought. It made her feel old, much older than her thirty-four, that she needed the assistance of a cane to walk and the assistance of others for many other things. Even if she knew she had to be grateful to still be alive, the cane was too cumbersome for her impatient temper.

“Good morning, Miss Granger,” Laura said politely, coming up behind the counter and seeing a girl about Harry’s age with unruly brown hair. She didn’t seem to have brought anyone else with her, there were other students in the store but none seemed to be standing with her. Laura’s staff were doing their best to serve them as efficiently as possible.

“Good morning, Miss Blanchett,” Hermione replied just as politely. “Thank you for agreeing to answer my questions.”

“Never mind, I’m glad to assist. What can I help you with?”

At once Hermione looked a little conflicted, glancing over to the other patrons in the store.

Laura gave her an understanding smile. “Shall we go through to the back?” She gestured to the passage that led through to the back where not only the brewing station was but also several other rooms including one for consultations that required a little more privacy.

“Thank you,” Hermione said quickly and followed Laura to the small room which had a desk and chairs on either side of it. Laura gestured for Hermione to take one while she rounded the desk and sat on the other side. It took her much longer than Hermione and when she sat down, she couldn’t completely contain a small groan. “Are you alright?” Hermione asked and her face showed immediately that she had been raised to regard such a question as inept when directed at a stranger. “I’m sorry, how rude of me, I-“

“I fell off a tree when scavenging for ingredients,” Laura told her with a little grin. Hermione’s eyes widened, then her mouth snapped shut. “Not one of my better endeavors, I hate to admit.” Laura gave a small shrug. “Still, better to collect some of them yourself than to rely on suppliers. I like to know what I’m working with.”

“I’m the same. I like to do things myself,” Hermione admitted and Laura nodded.

“Now, you mentioned you had a few questions regarding a certain potion in your letter. Has Professor Snape set another tricky essay?” Laura had spoken in a light-hearted, joking kind of way, referring back to Harry seeking her assistance about a potion due to Severus’ homework as well. Only now Hermione was sitting in front of her, visibly paling and looking guilty like a culprit caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

“Like I told Harry with the Shrinking Solution, I’ll help as much as the task allows but I won’t do the work for you,” Laura added reassuringly. “How did that turn out in the end?”

Hermione blinked for a moment then grimaced and Laura thought she even looked a little angry though she tried to contain it. “Harry’s Solution was alright,” she answered flatly.

“But yours wasn’t?”

“Oh, no. No, mine was fine as well,” Hermione hurried to set things right.

Laura looked at her thoughtfully. “But somebody else’s wasn’t.”

Hermione sighed and nodded sheepishly. “Neville’s never been much one for Potions, Miss Blanchett. He added too much rat spleen and leech juice and his potion had turned orange instead of green.”

Laura tried not to grimace too obviously at that. You had to go seriously off track to turn your Shrinking Solution orange instead of green. Nimue and Merlin, the boy needed some help. “And?” There clearly was more on the matter that Hermione wasn’t saying yet.

“And Neville is terrified of Professor Snape,” Hermione blurted desperately. “Professor Lupin showed us how to get rid of a Boggart in Defense and Neville’s turned into Professor Snape.”

Alright, that was a serious level of being terrified of your teacher, Laura could agree on that. She saw how Severus would be an intimidating teacher but him being someone’s Boggart?

“I suppose Professor Snape did not take graciously to an orange Shrinking Solution.”

Hermione shook her head. “He fed a few drops to his toad.”

Laura lost control of her jaw, it fell wide open. “Professor Snape fed a student’s botched potion to the student’s pet?!”

Hermione nodded but seemed too unconcerned for the horrible scene to have happened as Laura’s mind was currently imagining it. An orange Shrinking Solution fed to a student’s pet. Circe help them.

“I helped him put it right although Professor Snape told me not to,” Hermione mumbled sheepishly and jumped when Laura let out a sharp bellow of a laugh.

“Ha!” The corners of her mouth pulled into a smirk. “Well done, I would say. Professor Snape surely did not like it.”

“He took five points from Gryffindor.”

Laura made a throw-away gesture with her hand. “Five points is nothing you wouldn’t win back with a brilliant lesson in any of your other subjects.” She gave Hermione an encouraging smile.

A tentative one spread on Hermione’s face as well. “Professor McGonagall awarded me ten in Transfiguration soon after.”

“Well, there you go. This boy wouldn’t happen to be Neville Longbottom, would he?” Laura had just clicked on the name and her stomach turned a little.

“He is,” Hermione confirmed.

“I see. And is he friends with Harry as well?”

Hermione eyed her a little suspiciously but nodded.

“I see.” That just wouldn’t do, would it? The action itself was horrifying but done to one of Harry’s friends? Her mind was already forming tentative plans on how to proceed with this new information.

“You didn’t come here about the Shrinking Solution though, did you?” Laura sat up a little more and gathered her focus on Hermione again. “You wanted help with another potion and essay from Professor Snape, correct?” 

“It has to do with an essay Professor Snape had set, yes,” Hermione answered slowly and wouldn’t meet Laura’s eyes all of a sudden. “Only Professor Lupin retracted the homework when he was back, but I’d already finished it.”

The mention of Remus made Laura frown slightly. “What does Professor Lupin have to do with this?” she asked carefully. How could Severus set an essay that Remus would retract? What did a Potions professor’s homework have to do with a Defense Against the Dark Arts professor?

“Are there any potions that exude smoke?” Hermione asked instead of answering and Laura blinked.

“Potions that exude smoke?”

“Yes.” Hermione looked at her expectantly and Laura knew that she had to tread very lightly and control her reactions better. She was still stuck on the toad situation but she needed her full concentration on this now.

“There are a number of potions that may exude a smoke or mist,” she answered simply. There were, quite a number actually, about a dozen she could list right off the top of her head but only one that tied together Remus, Severus and a smoking potion. “If you could tell me more about the potion, or its ingredients, it would be easier to determine. Of course I wouldn’t want to infringe upon Professor Snape’s homework if he asked you to find out about smoking potions.”

Somehow Laura got the feeling, knew, that the essay had not been about the smoking potion but about something else entirely. The smoking potion had to do with it though, in some way.

“The homework wasn’t about smoking potions,” Hermione said finally and looked straight back at Laura after looking around the bland room. “Professor Snape set the essay when he substituted for Professor Lupin who was ill. It was about werewolves.”

A covering of ice seemed to engulf Laura and she fought to keep her expression neutral. “I see.” She didn’t, not at all. She didn’t see how Severus could set an essay about werewolves in Remus’ absence, an absence that most likely had coincided with the full moon, and now she had one of their students asking about a smoking potion.

“Like I said, I had finished the essay before Professor Lupin retracted it. Professor Snape wanted two rolls of parchment on werewolves with emphasis on recognizing them but I did some more research and I found out about this potion that supposedly makes them harmless during full moon. Only I couldn’t find out much about it beyond its main ingredient, wolfsbane or aconite,” Hermione rambled on while Laura was still trying to put all of this together.

“There’s a reason for that, Miss Granger,” she cut the girl off, a little too sharply because Hermione looked startled. “This potion is a very complex one and as you probably know, aconite is highly poisonous.”

“But does the potion smoke?” Determination flashed in Hermione’s eyes as she leant forward. “Does the Wolfsbane potion exude smoke?”

Laura eyed the girl in front of her and knew that she could only tell her the truth because a lie would be easily caught out. And even if she had lied, she wasn’t sure Hermione would have believed it. “It does,” she confirmed and Hermione sat back heavily in her chair.

III---III---III

The apothecary was closed regularly on Saturday afternoon so there were no customers there when Laura hobbled her way through its storage, collecting different substances and ingredients. She was waiting on a visitor and she hoped that he understood the meaning of ‘promptly’.

After Hermione had left, Laura had sat in the consultation room for a long while, thinking things through but mostly attempting to contain her temper. Neither went too well. In the end she asked Jacqueline for something to write and sent off a note with one of the owls the apothecary regularly used. Then she told her store manager that she would stay behind after closing and that was that.

So now she was waiting on her visitor and while she did, she was fine-tuning her plan for when he did arrive. She had tried to make her note short and precise without letting on how absolutely she enraged she was but she wasn’t sure she had succeeded. Any note asking you to make a prompt appearance to meet someone had the disadvantage of revealing the serious nature of what you were asking to meet about. Certainly he would be able to read that between the lines, she was sure.

Even so, her anger was justified and although he didn’t know it yet, he would have to agree that it was. Feeding orange Shrinking Solution to a student’s pet. Setting an essay about werewolves to Remus’ DADA class. She was still largely at a loss for words.

The time she waited offered plenty of time to try and reproduce Neville’s mishap. Which was not easy, Laura had to realize. Her entire being wanted to resist adding too much rat spleen and leech juice but she forced herself to do so until the potion was an entirely and utterly horrifyingly wrong, just  _wrong_ bright orange. She almost felt like offering to tutor Neville just so he wouldn’t go on creating such… such… travesties. The intentionally botched potion made her shudder as she decanted some into a small bottle and she felt relieved when she could vanish the rest. A bottleful was enough for her purposes.

Finally there was a knock on the backdoor of the apothecary and Laura hobbled her way over to open it. Standing in front of her was just the person she had been waiting to see.

“Mr. Snape,” she said politely and stepped away from the door to let him in.

“Whatever in Merlin’s name happened to you?” He eyed the cane and her obvious fragility with something that could almost be called concern. Almost but not quite. The question was also a rare break in his usually so reserved demeanor.

“I fell off a tree while scavenging for ingredients,” she answered almost cheerfully and hobbled ahead into the same consultation room that Hermione had been in earlier. “Tea?”

Severus inclined his head slightly and sat down. “How unlike you.”

“Which part?” She performed each step of preparing their tea, warming the pot then boiling the water in it, adding the leaves, then straining the tea into two cups after they had steeped for her preferred amount of time.

“Climbing trees, falling down trees, scavenging for ingredients on trees. Any of them,” he answered simply, his dark eyes attentively trained on her every move.

“I’ll admit that there was a blood-sucking bugbear involved,” she revealed and he let out a hum like that made everything make sense. Which it did, but it was still not all of it. “Which I thought had left but came back as soon as I lay twisted and broken at the bottom of the tree.”

His eyes snapped to her face. “I suppose I should consider myself lucky to be having tea with you this afternoon.”

“I suppose you should,” she replied sweetly and served his tea. He lifted it to his mouth and she was already palming across the item she had slipped into her pocket earlier, in preparation of this moment, when he paused at literally the last moment before the tea touched his lips. He breathed in through his nose.

“What did you put in this?” he questioned, taking another whiff of the tea and then putting the cup back onto the saucer.

“Why don’t you tell me?” she asked in return, coolly, taking her hand off the Bezoar in her pocket. She sat back as he raised his wand to perform an analytic spell on the tea. “So? What did I put in your tea, Severus?”

“Aconite.” He looked from the cup to her. She could see in his eyes that he didn’t understand, not yet.

“I had an appointment this morning,” she told him in a chatty tone and casually vanished the tea from their cups as well as the pot. From the cupboard she summoned a new one and repeated the process of preparing tea, this time without the addition to the tea leaves. “One of your students, as I understand. Bright little thing, very curious, eager to learn and understand things.”

He eyed her suspiciously but remained silent. Just as well.

Laura took out an item from her other pocket and stood it in the middle of the table between them. A small bottle filled with a vibrantly orange potion. “It was quite hard to replicate the results, to be honest. Botching a potion goes against my very nature but I was curious.”

Severus eyed the bottle just as suspiciously.

“You see, Severus,” Laura said and her voice began to take a dangerous undertone. “The student who visited me today was Hermione Granger and I learned a great deal of things today.” Her glare pierced right through him. “Like Professor Snape feeding a student’s botched Shrinking Solution to the student’s pet, and only not killing said pet because of a helpful fellow student.” He opened his mouth but the narrowing of her eyes kept him silent. “Or like Professor Snape setting an essay in Defense Against The Dark Arts in Professor Lupin’s absence. About werewolves.”

He opted to continue to remain silent which was just his luck.

“Are there other incidents like the toad one, Professor Snape?” she asked and her tone did not allow for any more silence then. “Are there other students who are so terrified of you that their Boggart turns into you? Are there other students who have feared for their pet’s life or their own in your class? Professor Snape?” She was standing by the time she had spit out his name again and leaning across the table towards him. “Are there?!” she bellowed and he honest to God jumped. She’d revel in that little memory sometime later.

“The inability of the studen-“

“The duty of a teacher is to _teach_ his students,” she cut him off sharply. “Which includes assisting them when they display need of such. Which includes helping them understand their errors and do better next time. Do you think that Neville Longbottom is learning in your Potions class, Professor Snape? Do you think that he goes into the dungeon and sits at his desk and feels free to ask for assistance, to ask for help in understanding this subject? A subject that is so wonderful and exciting, that is the essence of art and magic?” She gave a derisive snort. “You of all people should know what it’s like to be taught by a professor who cares little for understanding their students’ needs and abilities.”

Severus Snape looked like there were several things he would have liked to say but he wisely chose not to say any of them.

“And the essay,” she went on, suddenly tired. She sat down heavily. “She knows, Severus. She’s figured it out.” She looked at the table in front of her, trailing a few indents and marks here and there.

“As you said, she’s a bright student.”

Laura was quiet for a while then and as Severus savored his life so was he.

“Don’t you ever get tired of it?” she asked finally, her voice quiet and small and somewhere behind his mask he was aghast to hear it. “Of all the hate, all the anger, all the pain.” She sighed deeply. “What a life we are leading… can we even call it that? Stuck in the past, living in the present, losing hope for any kind of future every day…” She looked at him and it was almost like they were back in the common room, late at night, when no one else was still up and they were talking in whispers of all the things they could never say to anyone else.

“He is off-limits, Severus,” she said softly. “He may not care for me anymore but I still care for him. You know a thing about that. I understand that you have history with him but it has been sixteen years since your school days and I thought-“ She broke off and had to collect herself for a moment. “And the boy.” She looked at him, letting him see her entire consternation and disgust. “How can you allow yourself to taint the beauty of potion-making by behaving in such a way towards a student entrusted to you to learn this art?” She shook her head. “My first thought was to terminate all your contracts and to hex your sorry arse out of here.”

“But that’s not what you’re going to do.” He was only stating the obvious.

“No. Because that would be too easy.” She gave him another look. “I can antagonize you far better when we’re still friends.”

The his mouth twitched at that and she smirked with entirely too much smugness visible.

“You’ll keep your distance from Remus and you’ll keep your mouth shut about werewolves, including dropping hints and any other overt or not so overt ways you might imagine using to egg Miss Granger, or anyone else, on. Also, you will refrain from bullying Neville, and any other student, especially Harry and his friends. I wish I could maneuver you into being a better teacher but that would be stretching things a bit far, even for me.”

“In exchange for what?” he asked coolly, folding his arms over his chest.

“Your life?” she offered sweetly. He continued to glare at her. “I’m not going to tell you, Severus,” she informed him, letting her amusement shine through. “ _Nothing_ ’s going to happen, _that_ ’s what you get.” She stood and gathered up her cane.

He gave a grunt, of disapproval or annoyance, she didn’t care, and stood as well.

“Always a pleasure to conduct business with you, Mr. Snape.”

III---III---III


End file.
